On Porn in the Workplace

Most companies seem to frown upon their employees viewing porn in the workplace. By this I mean that people are discouraged from jumping onto websites like Barely Legal and Penthouse, downloading a bunch of photos and/or videos and viewing them in their cubicles. Unfortunately the only thing that probably prevents most people from downloading illicit material at work, (well, despite the fact that most people have no interest in viewing porn at work) is the belief that IT is monitoring their computers. I'm not trying to imply that IT isn't monitoring, I'm just making the point that it is this fear of being caught and knowing what the consequences of their actions will be is a major deterrent to the porn enthusiast. I'm not sure what those consequences are, but I am sure it will probably not be good for the longevity of a persons career at most companies.

Despite the fact that these policies are in place, it certainly does not prevent the occasional picture or inappropriate item from going around the office. I do remember seeing a close up of Janet Jackson's nipple from that fateful Sunday go around the office and someone recently had an eraser in the shape of a penis that they were waving around. This is usually pretty harmless and good for a laugh or two, just like the photos of the people of Walmart that always seem to circulate. But in terms of hardcore erotica, why would anyone want to bring it to work? To me that is the true mind blower. Without trying to sound too sexist, porn is primarily a guy thing, and seeming as I am a guy who has viewed my share porn throughout the years, it has primarily been used for a specific purpose. A purpose that would really be the end of someone's career if they were caught doing at the workplace. And let me tell you, that would be in the top three of the most humiliating (and saddest) reasons for being terminated. Though I do wonder if you could file a sexual harassment suit against yourself?

But all of this seems to be common sense. I mean, your not going to bring a copy of Hustler and "read" it at your desk or bring it to the bathroom to "read". Your not going to throw a copy of In-Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon in your computer and kick back and watch it while you work. So many of you may be asking why I am even bringing this up?

Well let me answer this by saying that there has been a lot of buzz in the office (well actually everywhere, it would seem) about a particular series of books, the 50 Shades of Grey series by E.L. James. I happened to be looking through my sisters audio library, to see if there were any books I'd like to listen to, when I noticed she had this three book series. Having exhausted most of the other audio books she possessed I decided to give these a listen.

Now I did not go into this naive, I was warned it was pretty sexually explicit and there was even a disclaimer at the beginning of the audio book warning the listener of the strong sexual content, but to quote the main character. "Holy Crap! My inner goddess fell out of her chair and looked guiltily around the office." (not a direct quote, but the main character says holy <fill in the blank> and makes references to her inner goddess and what she is doing a million times through the series.) Now I don't want to give too much away, but the basic story is that a sexually naive woman meets a super attractive billionaire and falls for him. Unfortunately he ends up having a lot of relationship (and sexual) issues and will only agree to "date" her if she because his submissive. There is a lot of, to again quote the book, kinky fuckery.

Now I listen to a lot of books at work, as my job is mind numbingly boring and I can listen and work without the two activities interfering with each other. I usually only listen to either science fiction or fantasy books, and to tell you the truth, there are not a lot of hardcore sex scenes in them (though, sometimes I wish there were more. But then again, after just finishing up the Game of Throne series, it would be nice to hear about people who weren't related having sex). This genre of book was totally alien to me. As I started my journey with young Anastasia Steele, I began to realize that all the things everyone said about these books were true. There are many very explicit sex scenes throughout the books, almost to the point where you could consider it porn (though it is actually classified as erotic fiction). I found the whole thing to be a bit surreal. There I was at my desk, doing my job, people all around me in their cubicles working, others walking around going about their daily activities, while these tawdry sex scenes are going into my ear.

For example.
“I pull him deeper into my mouth so I can feel him at the back of my throat and then to the front again."

 Co worker walking up to my desk

 <Me pressing pause button>

Coworker: "Hey, did you do the Santa Rosa daily for today?"

Me: "Yes"

Co-worker:  "Ok, thanks!"

co worker leaves

<Me pressing play button>

"My tongue swirls around the end. He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle. I suck harder and harder … Hmm … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.”

Now I was a little leery about listening to this at work, especially as I began to hear the sex scenes. With it being "erotica," I was a little worried about how I would react to it. Would I have to take a minute or two before I got up to get something from the printer? Would I just be sitting there all flushed and sweaty, looking embarrassed all day? Would I end up running to the bathroom and spending a little to much time with myself in one of the stalls? I am an adult (even though I don't act like one most of the time) and I do have a good deal of self control, so I figured I could handle it (no pun intended here) and banged out the entire series(that one was intended).

I will probably not listen to any more books like this at work, especially from this author (I thought the books were complete crap, but maybe I'll write a review as another post). I shall return to the nice safe world of Science Fiction and Fantasy, where there is no talk of butt plugs and nipple clamps. But I hope this post gets you to think, the next time you walk up to someone at work (or on the bus, or dentist office) and their kindle, or other listening device is out, and they are buried in their head phones, what book could they be listening to? And have we all just discovered a way to get around that no Porn in the work place rule?

On a side note, I have decided to write a book based on Fifty Shades of Grey. It is about a naive woman who falls in love and marries a guy, moves in with him and discovers he is a nerd of epic levels. She finds herself plunged into a world of Star Wars, Star Trek, Dungeons and Dragons, Lord of the Rings and so much more. I am calling it Fifty Shades of Geek.