On Neighbors and Breakfast Cereal

I had an incident happen to me the other day that at first I was not going to write about. Then, after telling the story to a couple of people at work and them making me repeat it about four more times to other people who hadn't heard the tale, I thought, I had better write a post about it.

Gabby and I were hanging out in the house the other morning. I was letting my wife sleep in, as it was the weekend, when I heard a sound from the porch. I thought that it might have been a knock so I threw on a shirt (Yes, I was going topless. It was hot and I figured my daughter wouldn't mind. She is too young to be frightened or embarassed by my pale white flabbiness) On the steps to the porch was an older guy, peppered grey hair and a red t-shirt. I opened the door a bit and this is how the conversation went.

Me: "Hello."
Guy: "Hi, I'm your neighbor and I'm an asshole."

Ok, I wasn't quite sure how to react to that, but what I wanted to say was, which one? The ones who have the cops showing up here all the time? The ones that leave their windows open and blare music all day? Or maybe the couple who fight all the time screaming profanities at each other? I just stared blankly at him, not knowing what to say.

Me: "Uuuuh, Ok"
Guy: "I noticed you have a bunch of kids."

Ok, this is getting creepy, I let him continue....

Guy: "Well my wife loves your flowers."

Our house, thanks to the previous owners, has all these lovely maroon flowers blooming all over the place.....

Guy: "I was wondering if you would allow me to pick five flowers to give to my wife. She would really like them and we have been fighting."

Aaaah. I guess it was number three on the neighbors list.

Guy: "In exchange for the flowers I would like to give you these boxes of cereal."
He holds up two grocerey bags that have boxes of cereal in them.

By this time, I really had no idea what to say....

Me: "I appreciate that, but if you would like to pick some flowers go ahead. You do not need to give me anything for them. There are plenty."
Guy: "No, please, take the cereal. We never have any milk and it will just get thrown away."

He continued to insist until I finally agreed to take them. After I took them he looked at me and said...

Guy: "By the way, a couple of the boxes are opened, but some aren't."

I thanked him and went back inside and looked at my newly acquired treaures. There was a box of generic Raisin Bran - opened. A box of Peanut Butter Crunch -  opened, an unopened box of Trix and a bag of generic Honey Nut Cheerios - opened.

So I grabbed a bowl and the milk and poured a bowl of each.... just kidding.

I was in shock. In this day and age, why would anyone think that someone who didn't know you would accept already opened food? It would be like some stranger on a bus offering you a bite of their sandwhich. I wouldn't care if they looked like a cross between Santa Claus and Wilford Brimley, in 2012, you just don't do it. It's not safe and I would defidently not endanger my children by serving it to them.

Needless to say, I threw them out. As I was throwing them out it made me wonder, is this what the world has come to? Once upon a time, I'm sure the cereal would have been accepted gladly, without a second thought. He would have just been being neighborly. Now, all I could think was how creepy the whole experience was. If we had any type of conversation or interaction before, maybe it would have been less strange. All I could think about the cereal was, is that a box of Arsenic O's? Strychnine Flakes? Rat Poison Puffs?

 I appreciated the gesture, and I am truly sorry that I could not just accepted his cereal, but that is the way of the world now. Maybe my neighbor's mindset is a throwback to a simpler time. Maybe he grew up in a small town and still has that unjaded small town attitude. Maybe he was drunk. Maybe, he didn't have room in the trash to fit the boxes in and I was the only one who would take them. Maybe he is a Cereal pusher. The first box is free. Maybe my kids have been a little too loud and crazy on the weekends they are here and he decided to take matters into his own hands. Maybe he is trying to make breakfast cereal the new national currency. Maybe he is just clueless. Whatever he is, I just hope he doen't show up with a bag full of underwear next time!

On a side note, I cried a little on the inside when I threw out the boxes. I love cereal. Pepsi and cereal (not together) are probably half the reason I have diabetes now. Especially the Peanut Butter Crunch! I was always a big fan of the Cap'n. Most of the varities were good, except for the all Crunch Berries though (not a big fan). I tend to enjoy the chocolate cereals. Old recipe Count Chocula was the greatest chocolate cereal of all time (in my opinion) Now, if I get a chocolate cereal fix, give me the Coco Pebbles. I need to stop now, I am starting to get very hungry!