On Griswolding (or How I Started Becoming My Father)

I have to say, it is hard to keep up writing the blog when I am trying to do a couple of large side projects, working a regular job and raising children. I wanted to get a post out a while ago, but that didn't happen. This is one I wrote a while ago and is probably in need of proper editing, but I just had to get something out. Speaking of raising children, after Christmas I got my first visitation with my three oldest kids since their sudden move to Virginia over the summer. (My ex-wife decided to move down there with her boyfriend which is another story altogether.)

It was great seeing the kids, as one can imagine, but it did have its challenges. Fitting everyone in the house for a week, my oldest son had a seizure in the van on the way home from getting them and one the last night he was here, (He had a seizure a couple of years ago and he is now my third child diagnosed with epilepsy.) and just the change in energy that a they all brought to the house was tough (not to mention the quantities of food they consume!!).  Despite all this it was a great visit.

I have to admit, my older kids have some issues, and whenever I talk to them on the phone, especially around holidays and birthdays, they do remind me a bit of the kids in "Talladega Nights." The scene that always pops into my head is when the children are told by Will Farrell's character that he and their mother are getting a divorce and they start cheering and saying "Yaaaa. Two Christmas' " Not that it is that bad, but the subject of present giving becomes the common theme of all conversations before these holidays/events. 

One of the activities we did as a family when the kids were here was go bowling. My wife and I have taken everyone before so we had a good idea of what we were getting ourselves into. My sister and her husband joined us (My brother-in-law coming was a surprise because he is not a big fan of children (or maybe just my hyperactive ones.)) which helps with kid wrangling and to keep things flowing smoothly. Unfortunately I knew we were going to have trouble as soon as we walked over to our lanes and saw the arcade directly behind us.

My kids, like I was when I was a kid, are obsessed with arcades. Shiny lights and all sorts of noises draw them like moths to a flame. As I said, I understand them because I was them, many moons ago. I am still like that to some degree, just watch me in Applebee's, or any restaurant that has a TV going. I barely like sports and will stare blankly at the screen (Which my wife loves, I can tell you (sarcasm, if you missed it)). I knew the arcade would a sirens call, but I decided I would try to stop it.

I set ground rules at first and said I would give them some time later in our bowling adventure and for a time things were going well. I don't know when I lost it. I think it was when the kids finished their game before ours. They asked if they could go check the games out and I foolishly said "sure." Then I lost them. The adults finished, and we all started the second game. I looked over at the kids lane and only the person bowling was there. The other two were sitting on plastic motorcycles, pretending they were actually playing the arcade game (something else I always did as a kid as well.) 

Time and time again it was calling into the arcade to let the person whose turn it was to come out and bowl and I started getting annoyed. I finally snapped when my older daughter threw the second ball of her frame and ran back to the arcade before the ball even got to the pins. I called all three kids over and made them sit and participate in "Family Fun." Of course I had some scowls and grumpiness, especially from my 15 year old daughter, but they rolled with it pretty well.

On looking back, all I could think was "I'm turning into my father." I remember putting my father through the same kind of stuff when I was younger, especially during the teenage years. We (my family that is) often referred to my dad as Clark Griswold (from the Vacation movies.) He never gave us the "Were going to have so much fun we'll be whistling Zippity-doo-da out of our assholes" speech, but he certainly tried to make sure we all had family fun, whether we wanted to or not. At the time I don't remember much more than being annoyed. Now that I look back and especially now that I am a father, I get it. It hits home even more considering how little time I ended up having with him, since he died of a heart attack at 45.   

I honestly felt bad that I snapped at the kids during bowling. None of it was their fault. I set my expectations way too high and did not follow through with the rules I had established. With only getting to see my kids a few times a year and the fact that they are growing so damn fast, I guess I wanted to have as much "family fun" as I could before the kids are grown up and on their own. With what happened at the bowling alley, I really feel like have embraced my inner Griswold. I bet my father couldn't be prouder.      

On Going to the Drive-Ins

Summer is here... well, almost, and Drive-In season is upon us again. First of all, I don't know if I have mentioned it before but I am really cheap (and I am not referring to my street value). Well, maybe the proper term would be frugal. Secondly, I love going to the movies. Unfortunately, with the current price of the average movie ticket, these two characteristics would seem to work against each other, especially if you throw a wife and four kids into the mix. That is where the Drive-Ins come in and why I love them so much.

There is nowhere a frugal person like me can find a better deal for seeing new movies than the Drive-Ins. Indoor theater prices are getting to the point that I wouldn't even consider taking the family out, unless there were lottery winnings involved (or perhaps a second mortgage). Few things in life get cheaper over time and this is true for the Drive-Ins. My mother tells me of a time when you paid $5 a car. This isn't hard to believe. How many people could you transport when the wheels were massive stones and you propelled the car by putting your feet through the floor and running (just kidding)?

Despite the fact that tickets have gone up to $9 dollars per adult this year it is still a great bargain. It is as good as any matinee price that you would currently pay at the indoor theater. And you get to see two new releases. That's $4.50 a movie, in case anyone's math skills were failing them. Where else can you see a new movie for $4.50, without illegally downloading it (and you don't have to worry about people standing up in the middle of the bootleg, or the subtitles being in German)?

If you thought the nine dollar price was great, you haven't even heard the best part. Kids under the age of 12 only pay $4, and those under 3 are free! This is good because my younger kids never stay awake for the second movie (and sometimes don't even make it through the first movie) and I would be really annoyed if I had paid full price. The unfortunate side effect of this, however, is that it has made me a bit dishonest. I say this primarily because my daughter has been under 12 years old for the last 3 years and I am starting to feel guilty about having her crouch down a little bit to seem shorter. (Yes, I have made my children accomplices. I am a horrible parent... that saves $4.50 a visit! Cha Ching!)

I always leave very early when I head out to the theater -- earlier than I really need to. I have never arrived before the gates were open, but usually I am one of the first dozen cars to arrive. The first reason that I leave so early is that I love getting a good spot right up front. If you arrive late then you end up either off way to the side or in a middle spot, surrounded by people. This can be either good, or very, very bad, depending on the people. Another reason for arriving early and being up front is that it allows me to sit back and relax while the kids hop out and run amok with all the other kids that come to the movies. Up front, right under the giant screen is a strip where all the kids gather. Soccer balls, Frisbees, footballs and baseballs all are brought out and the kids all play together and have a great time. It's awesome to watch. It is a mega-play date and the kids seem to enjoy this as much as the movies themselves.

To go back to the point where I said that I was cheap, I also love the Drive-Ins over the indoor theater because you can bring your own refreshments. There are no limitations on what you bring in your car (at least at our Drive-Ins) so you are not forced to pay the outrageous prices for food and drink that they charge at the snack bar. I usually fire up the air popper before we leave, filling up a couple of bags with popcorn, grab some soda and candy from Walmart or somewhere as cheap, and roll through the gates well-stocked. It is a cheapskate's--I mean, a frugal person's paradise! I sometimes stop and get a pizza or KFC before we arrive and actually eat dinner at the Drive-Ins as well. It's all part of the experience.

Despite everything I love about the Drive-Ins, there are a few things that I don't. First is the weather. In an indoor theater, you always know that you're going to be in a nice temperature controlled room... not at the Drive-Ins. It can be hot, it can be cold, it can rain -- I even remember having to leave early once when I was a kid because fog rolled in and you couldn't see the screen. Apparently, mother nature isn't always a movie fan (obviously she saw the Twilight movies).

Also, because the movie is shown outside, you have to wait until it is dark enough. Often they start it a little before ideal darkness levels, but when you've got two movies to get in and it doesn't actually get dark before 9:00pm, sometimes you need to start before conditions are optimal. Then again, people like to show their impatience by honking their horns, and will do it if they feel it is dark enough, and the movie hasn't started. (I hate the car honkers.) Though our local Drive-In just got new projectors so it has been pretty nice so far.

One of the things that I would have complained about most in the past was the sound system at the Drive-Ins. I hated it so much that I would have gone to the indoor theater if I really wanted to see a film. Those crappy little speakers that you stuck to your car window were terrible. The sound that they created sucked and that is assuming that they even worked in the first place. You quickly learned that the first thing that you did when you pulled into a spot was to test the speaker. Most of the time the speakers were fine but sometimes they would have a short in them, that crackled every time you moved them. This meant every time you opened the door, to let the kids in and out, the sound would go out. I won't even go into the fact that many people have driven away with the speaker still in the window (just for the record, I never did). This is probably why some of them don't work.

But now the sound system for the Drive-Ins is on a radio channel which means the sound goes through your cars speakers. So in many ways, I prefer the sound at the Drive-Ins. Indoor theater sound is waaaaaay too loud, most of the time. Whenever there is an explosion, you feel like your ears are going to bleed. In the car, the volume is always just right! The only problem with this system is the people who leave their car on too long, or have things on other than the radio and end up with a dead battery at the end of the night. I have yet to do this, by the way (knock on wood).

The biggest problem I have with the Drive-Ins is the bugs. Mosquitoes  black flies, other people's children -- these pests descend on you and yours unmercifully in the heat of summer. If you don't bring your bug spray, you are not in for a delightful evening. Nothing is more annoying than the buzz of bugs in your ears while your trying to enjoy a movie. Then there are the bites and the constant smacking of yourself, trying to kill the little beasts, that distract from the film. If it is cool enough the bugs don't come out and all is well, but if it is really muggy out then the bugs are swarming and it is too hot to leave the windows open. But then again, if it is too cool the windows fog up when they're shut. You just can't win sometimes.

There are other minor annoyances at the Drive-Ins, just like in any theater. The indoor theater has the chit-chatters; Drive-Ins have the people who turn their lights on during the show. Despite the differences, it usually boils down to other people being inconsiderate and this can happen anywhere. I do have to say that the Drive-Ins do have some pretty unique situations. I had a skunk walk up to me and sniff my feet when I was younger and sitting outside, something that I doubt happens in regular theaters.

Unfortunately, Drive-Ins are slowly disappearing across the country. It is sad, especially with all the fantastic memories I have accumulated over the years. From the years of going with my parents to the present where I am bringing my kids. I can only hope that Drive-Ins will be around long enough for my kids to bring their kids, or for me to bring them. Not that I am in any rush to be a grandparent.

I have seen many movies throughout the years at the Drive-Ins -- some awesome, some not so much. I have only ever left early once in my Drive-In theater history because a movie was just so bad, and I think that was more because my wife-at-the time insisted. (I believe the film was Mafia!, starring Jay Mohr, so I really can't fault her too much for that.) That to me is truly the best thing about the Drive-Ins, the fact that if one of the two movies is an absolute piece of shit, you can justify the money you paid with creative math. You can say that you paid full price to see the good movie, and got to see the crappy one for free. This may seem stupid to most people, but to those who are cheap like me, this fuzzy math helps.

P.S. I just have to mention, because of the nature of this blog, that our local Drive-In theater has the second most disgusting bathroom I have ever been in. Number one goes to the bar in New Jersey I went to for my brothers bachelor party. I must confess that first, I have not been in many bars in my life, so the concept of a pee troth was a little jarring. Second was the fact that my time in there was spent watching my brother lean against the stall and projectile vomit.