Summer is here and it is Garage Sale time again. It's that time of year when people gather up all of the stuff that is cluttering their houses/closets/garages/basements/attics, put these items out in their yards and try to pawn them off on their neighbors for profit. I am a huge fan of "Saleing," as I like to call it, and looking for treasures in other peoples "trash." When it comes to having kids, there is no better (and by better, I mean cheaper) way to clothe and toy them. Since kids outgrow clothes almost as fast as you buy them, it is nice to find a place where you can pick up name brand clothing for under a dollar.
Toys have almost a higher turnover rate than clothes. Kids are constantly wanting new toys, and who has the money to buy everything they want? Whenever a new movie or TV show inspires a new exciting toy, the kids have to have it. Lawn sales may not contain the newest of the new, but you can usually find the last new big thing and that usually works at distracting the children, at least for a while. And did I mention that these toys are a fraction of their original cost? (You may be sensing a pattern here.)
I would like to take a few moments to talk about the things that drive me nuts about lawn sales. First of all, and this may be a ridiculous complaint (but then again, do any of my complaints ever end up not being ridiculous?), but if your signs say lawn or yard sale, it better be on your lawn or yard. If you say garage sale, I want your garage to be involved at some point during my shopping experience. It truly annoys me when I go to a "garage sale" and the people don't even have a garage, or they have everything on their driveway. Call it a driveway sale! Come on people, all I am asking for is a little venue truth in advertising!
Another thing that drives me nuts is not with the proprietors, but the lawn sale customers. Does something about the yard sale sign make people forget basic road/driving/parking rules? People will just see a sign, slam on their brakes, and barely pull off the road to go to a sale. Signals? Who needs them? I saw an artificial Christmas tree that we could use this coming Christmas. It looks like a few branches are missing but we can just put that side in the corner. I know most people try to avoid parking on other people's yards, but you actually have to get off the road far enough so you don't block traffic. And then when people park on both sides of the street, you can barely squeeze through. This is especially frustrating at busy intersections. Aaaargh. It is the only time in my life I wish I owned a monster truck and had a very good lawyer. No parking sign? No problem! Those pesky traffic rules only apply to those people who aren't "saleing".
Just as annoying as the people who don't think when they park, are the drive-by oglers. They are the ones who slow down and drive 5 mph so they can see if there is anything worth stopping for. Seriously, just stop, get out and look. Or better yet, use your signal, pull off to the side of the road and ogle away. It would take less time than your turtlesque drive-by and reduce the chance of an accident (or vehicular homicide by me).
And here is some advice to you people who plan on having a lawn sale: spring the extra 2-3 dollars and buy some poster board. Take the poster board and do your signs up right. Do you actually think people can read your little tiny signs traveling 55 mph from their cars? I can't even read them traveling through town at 30 mph, yet you expect me to get all of the information you have crammed on your little 1' x 1' sign and still find your home? People put their addresses, the days and times they are open, and arrows pointing in the direction of the sale, but it is all completely useless... unless you are walking or have one hell of a keen eyed co-pilot.
One more thing about signs (I said the same thing once as a Facebook status and I will repeat it here): If you put up a sign, you need to take it down when the sale is done. If you don't, I believe it should be legal for someone who follows your sign and finds that your sale was actually two weeks ago, to come into your house and take one item of their choice for free. After stories spread about someone losing their 50" Plasma HD super talking TV, maybe people will remember to take their damn signs down!
Another thing I hate is when nothing at the lawn sale has a price on it. Is it that hard to put out a price? I know those stickers are expensive (Sarcasm New Roman Bold), but they are worth the expense. I don't know if people are lazy, maybe trying to size you up to see how much to charge, or are just in love with haggling. All I know is I have walked away from lawn sales before -- even though there were a few things I was interested in -- just because things weren't labeled. And not everything needs to be individually labeled. Put a little sign that says all clothes in this box are a quarter, items in this area are 50 cents. I even saw a garage sale where they had the prices written in chalk on their driveway. High marks for creativity! All I am saying is just have a price on your stuff, it is that simple.
One last pet peeve, or maybe it is just an observation: what happened to everyone's stick-to-itness? I see some lawn sales are beginning on Fridays -- weird but okay -- but it is getting to the point where a lot of sales are done by about 2 pm on Saturdays and not even open on Sundays. Lawn sales used to be Saturday to Sunday, 8 am to at least 5pm. Come on people! If you want to get rid of your junk, you need to commit to it. I hate driving around and finding the free pile at the end of the driveway. Not that I mind free stuff, but it is seldom anything good. And I always wonder what prizes have slipped through my fingers. Though I have often wondered if you just went around collecting all of this free stuff, could you sell it on EBay or something.
When it comes to being a customer, I am a great shopper. I always have a pile of change in my pockets and usually stop and get a coffee for my wife before we start, to break up any big bills. Having conducted a few lawn sales in my life, I know how frustrating it is to have someone buy an unused George Foreman Grill for 3 dollars and give you a 20 dollar bill. Usually this happens on a Sunday when the banks are closed and you are alone so you can't run to the store and break the bill. I also don't haggle. I will pay the price that is marked on the item I want, unless I don't have enough cash to cover the whole thing, then I might see if they will take a little less. And most sellers will.
I find that usually there are two types of people who hold garage sales. The first kind is the person I love the most -- the people that just want to get rid of their stuff. They aren't out to make a million dollars, they just want to make room so they can acquire more stuff. (I feel I am touching upon a great Carlin routine here.) The more you buy, the less they have to haul to the Salvation Army, Goodwill or wherever they go to get rid of their leftover stuff. Their items are marked to sell, and you can make out like a king!
The other type of person is the one who is trying to make back some of the money they spent on their stuff. The prices are usually high and they aren't going to come down very much. You will see a jacket for 50 dollars and the person will tell you (or sometimes a little note will say) they paid 100 dollars for it and barely wore it. I'm not saying someone wouldn't pay $50, I'm just saying that most people don't go to lawn sales with hundreds of dollars in their wallet. People go to lawn sales to buy stuff cheap! Price accordingly!
There is a third type of person: they are a fringe group, but I will mention them. They are a bit of a mix of the first two types, with a good range of prices but definitely trying to make some money. They are the people who have the all-summer garage sale. I am not judging them at all, but how many weeks can you keep a lawn sale going? Are you getting more inventory? Do you have that much extra stuff? Are they taking my idea and gathering all of the free stuff and reselling it? I give them all the credit in the world because that is a whole summer commitment. All day, Saturday and Sunday, being there to deal with shoppers. It's almost like a job, without paying any taxes.... hey, could that be it? A gift shop that has no sales tax or any income to report? That just may be genius!
Sorry to do this, but I thought of a second fringe group that I want to mention and I really hate these people. Okay, hate may be a bit strong, but I feel quite a bit of annoyance toward them. They are the antique dealers who lure you in with garage sale signs. As I said before, I don't have a couple of hundred dollars in my pocket to pick up an antique night stand, and if I was looking for antiques, I would be "antiquing," not "lawn saleing". I understand the whole no tax thing, but I really hate the use of the garage sale sign. It's a classic bait and switch. There is usually a few useless trinkets on a table that are a feeble attempt to legitimize the use of a garage sale sign. You can't fool me! I know a lawn sale when I see one! Where are the coffee cups? Where are the little wooden shelves? The old Christmas wreaths? The incomplete silverware sets? Assorted porcelain figurines? How about the picture frames that were bought but never filled with photos?
The last thing I have to say about this topic is that my wife and I are talking about doing a lawn sale later this summer and I guarantee I will follow my own rules. I will use large signs that can be easily read. On the signs will be the dates and hours of our sale and we will be open on those days and for those hours. The signs will be taken down when the sale is over and disposed of properly. Things will be priced to sell, and clearly labeled. No one will have to ask how much anything is (unless the sticker fell off). And lastly, I will be finding something else to do for that weekend and letting my wife handle it because I haaaaaate having lawn sales!
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