On Mind Over Matter

Now when I think of the phrase "Mind Over Matter" a couple of different images pop into my mind. First is people walking on burning coals. (I almost typed barefoot, but then realized that should be obvious. Even I could walk on coals in a pair of boots, as long as they didn't catch fire. And if they did, it would be a case of "fire over foot" and would end in a trip to the hospital.) The guy (or woman, let's not be sexist) lying on the bed of nails is another image that pops into my head. Anyone who can ignore large amounts of pain is one half of my "Mind Over Matter" equation .

The other half of this equation are those people, who under stress, force of will, or any other outside influence seem to be able to perform some incredible feat. An example of this would be a mother lifting a school bus to save her trapped child. Well maybe a bus is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Maybe even someone manifesting some special power, well maybe not like little Drew Barrymore in "Firestarter" but definitely tapping into the unused portions of our minds to do something extraordinary.

I thought I would share my two stories of "Mind Over Matter." One tale for each side of the equation.

I can't remember how old I was, being either home on summer break from college or just another day in my latter years of high school. The age is semi-important, as I was definitely old enough to have handled this situation better. It was early morning (well, early morning for a responsibility free teenager is not what I would call early as an adult with a job and bills to pay.) and I was lying in bed half awake. It was a day like any other and I could have never guessed, in my wildest dreams, of what fate had in store for me. I lay there, debating whether to get up or just continue to lie in bed for a while, trying to wring out every bit of sleep I could get. (I believe the second option was winning out, as it usually did.)

Well in my morning haze I felt the sudden urge to pass gas. Anyone who knows me will not be surprised by this. I have come to believe that it is the very oxygen I breathe that makes me fart. Well, I did what any normal person in this situation would do, I rolled onto my side, aimed my ass away from me and let it go. Much to my horror (and surprise) it wasn't air that came out. My eyes shot open, and I was fully awake in an instant. To compound the problem, and at the risk of sharing too much information, I was sleeping al fresco. I blinked and found my self standing up. In a moment of panic (perhaps shame?) I tapped into something and gained the ability to levitate. Just for that brief moment.

I am convinced that it was levitation, or maybe a minor bit of flight because I did not bend any part of my body. My butt cheeks were pinched tight and the sphincter was in total lock down, in the fear that more non-air would come out. Bending at the waist would have risked voiding (This is a term I learned from having a baby. The doctors are very fixated on the baby poo.) so I know I did not bend there, and there is no way I could have got up as quickly without bending. Levitation is the only way that I could have got to my feet so quickly. "Mind Over Matter"

Well, to end the story, I waddled quickly to the bathroom, let the rest of my movement go in its proper place, wiped thoroughly and returned to my room. (Stealthily, I might add, as I was still in my birthday suit.) There I pulled the sheets off the bed, brought them into the laundry room, crumpled them up and stuffed them into the dirty laundry basket. Did I give my mother any warning about my little surprise? Of course not. I was a teenager! I returned to my room, flipped the mattress over, inspected my blanket for any residue, found it clean and went back to bed. Overcoming the Laws of Gravity with the power of my mind is exhausting!

The second story is an example of the other side of the equation and it happened while I was baking cookies. Now, when I say I was baking cookies, I should say that all the credit should go to Ms. (or is it a  Mrs.?) Crocker and whoever was responsible for putting the directions on the side of the box. I was merely a stirring, making-little-balls and shifting-a-sheet-pan-in-and-out-of-the-oven-at-the-appropriate-time facilitator. Well anyway, the oven was set for 350 degrees, and they had been in for the required  20 minutes or so. Looking in, I saw the batch was done and looked for an oven mitt. No good. I could not find one so I grabbed a little towel to take out the pan.

As I was pulling the pan out I saw that the towel I was using had caught on fire! I immediately grabbed the tray with my opposite hand, threw the towel in the sink, turned the knob to get the water flowing and splashed the water onto the towel until the flames were extinguished. I sighed a quick sigh of relief and then as if it were some Looney Tunes cartoon, I looked at my left hand and realized I was still holding the tray of cookies. In my hand, with no cloth or oven mitt, was a metal pan that had just been baking in the oven for over twenty minutes.

If this was a cartoon I would have had enough time to take a look at the camera, get a bemused expression on my face and then screamed something like YEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWW! Or maybe I would have been standing there while smoke started to rise from my left hand. This would be accompanied by the sound of sizzling meat. I would probably start sniffing loudly as someone else walked into the room and say to them something like "Do you smell something burning?" Then I would look at my hand, my eyes would bulge, I would howl and send cookies flying. But what I did do was shout an expletive (can't remember which one, but I have a few guesses), toss the pan on the counter and immediately stick my hand in the cool water that was still running on the towel.

I am happy to say, the cookies survived (and were delicious!). My hand was fine as well, a little red, but no griddle marks or degrees of burns of any kind. While my mind was focused on putting out the fire my brain shut down all of those sensors and everything. I truly realized what people meant when they use the phrase "Mind Over Matter." Now if only I could do this voluntarily, it would be my first step in becoming a super hero!

On a side note, re-read this post. This time, imagine the voice of Leonard Nimoy narrating this on "In Search Of." Consider your minds blown!