How I Got the Beetus, part 3: My Caramel Coloring Addiction

Hello, my name is John... and I am a sodaholic. I have already talked about my love of cake and candy. Now it is time to talk about one of the biggest reasons I ended up with type 2 diabetes: soda. Carbornated beverages have always been my crack. They are cheap, easy to get, and terrible for me.

I believe, like most issues I have, my addiction is all my parents' fault. I am just kidding, of course, but let me explain why I even brought my parents into this. When I was young, my siblings and I were not allowed to have soda. We could drink it at parties and other special occasions, but not as an everyday beverage. My father drank soda like it was water (which it basically is -- just carbonated -- but I digress...) and I would watch him. It hardly seemed fair, while I guzzled glass after glass of milk, he partook of the sweet dark brown nectar known as soda. It was no wonder that once I grew up and got out on my own, soda became my beverage of choice.

As usual, I will sidetrack here. Before I get into a discussion about my unhealthy obsession with soda, let me tell you a little bit about my addictive personality. I have always been afraid that I was predisposed to addiction and have always avoided alcohol and drugs like the plague.

If anyone has ever watched the show Taxi, you will surely remember Christopher Lloyd's character, Reverend Jim Ignitowski. He was your basic lovable burnout that did waaaay too many drugs in his life. There was an episode where they showed Jim's life before he got into drugs: he was a preppy college student who didn't want anything to do with drugs, until a girl (his girlfriend?) pressured him to try a pot brownie. In this episode, he delivers this wonderful line, saying that it has been proven that some people have a highly addictive personality and you never know, he may be one of them. He takes a bite of the brownie and his face distorts, going back to the same facial expression the later, drug-addled Jim would possess. He tells the girl to run ahead and when he's alone he grabs a bunch more brownies.

I always thought that was something that could happen to me and thought the best way to combat it would to be to avoid drugs and alcohol. I can't even stop picking my nose--I can only imagine what would happen if I got hooked on something that was truly addictive. I still have never tried drugs, but I did break my rule on alcohol. Not that I drink, but I have sampled many, many different alcoholic drinks. Usually it was to humor someone who was convinced that you could not taste the alcohol in a particular drink. I always could. I never aquired a taste for alcohol, therefore never learned to like it.

That all being said, I truly believe I am addicted to soda. Maybe it is just that this is my primary source of caffeine, but whatever the reason, I am hooked. Well, I think I have isolated my addiction to caramel coloring, because I only drink the dark-colored sodas. Cola is my first choice and when it comes to it, I am not particular. I will drink Coke or Pepsi (I favor Pepsi, but that is primarily because that is the one that seems to go on sale the most around here). I usually drink Sam's Club (generic WalMart cola) because it is still only 84 cents (or is it 87?) for a 2-liter bottle, and with the amount I drink, cost is the most important factor.

I will drink Dr. Pepper and Root Beer, but tend to avoid the Sprites, Ginger Ales, Mountain Dews, Oranges and other non-dark brown carbonated beverages. I will drink them in a pinch but only if I have to. God forbid I should drink water! I also don't care what time of day it is -- I will drink Soda at breakfast, lunch or dinner, and often imbibe at all three times of day.

Food does have some effect on when I drink soda: if I am having pancakes or eggs, soda is okay, but if I am eating a bowl of cereal, absolutely not. Cola and milk do not mix--sorry Ms. Defazzio. There are some foods, like Pizza, that I have trouble eating without my favorite beverage. This seems to confirm that I do have an addiction, because you often hear stories of how certain activities, or places will make smokers want to smoke. As soon as I am in front of a pizza, I just have to have a nice tall glass of whatever cola is available.

Not to steal material from comedian Lewis Black, but has anyone ever gone to a restaurant and decided not to eat there because they served Pepsi and not Coke, or vice versa? Do people actually refuse to drink Pepsi if the restaurant doesn't serve Coke? Some people must be beverage-loyal, because why do waitresses always ask you if Coke is okay when you ask for Pepsi, or if Pepsi is okay when you ask for Coke? Anyway, I'm drifting away from my topic, once again.

Before my diagnosis, I would drink straight-up Cola. Do you have any idea how much sugar is in a 2-liter bottle of soda? I would often drink at least a bottle a day. Who am I kidding? I could drink a bottle at a single meal. I used to buy a 2-liter bottle from the local convenience store and drink it straight out of the bottle throughout the day at work--every day. I sometimes could make a 2-liter last for two days, but most of the time it was done by the end of the work day. What do you think I drank when I got home? Yep, more (sugar) soda. So after years and years of pouring sugar down my throat, it is no surprise that I have the beetus.

Well now that I am actually making an effort to slow the progress of my disease, I have made the transition to diet cola. I have greatly reduced the amount of cola I consume, and at work I drink mostly water, with a cup or two of tea to get the caffeine my body needs. When I am at home, however, soda is the beverage of choice. At some level I have just traded filling my body with sugar with filling it with chemicals that are probably going to do as much damage, but I seem unwilling or unable to stop.

I know I should give up the soda, or at least try to cut back even more, but until scientists come out and say that each 20-ounce bottle is taking 6 months off of my life or something similar, I will keep drinking it. To think, all those years ago, my parents weren't being stingy, they were just trying to help me from getting hooked, like them. If only I had listened!